When was the last time you were alone?
Take that a step further: When was the last time you were happy alone? Do you know how to be happy alone?
These musings are the number one reason why people tell me they don’t want to travel solo: They’re afraid of being lonely.
As we settle into different levels of self-isolation, this question might be easier to answer than ever before. However, that’s not what I’m asking.
I want you to identify when you were not just without people, but not reachable. A time when you’ve stopped any sort of one or two-way communication with the outside world: no scrolling on facebook, no ability for someone to reach into your mental space.
Maybe your phone was off in another room and you were reading. Perhaps all you did was leave your phone in the living room while you went to the bathroom.
Was it in the last week? Longer? Were you happy?
Why People Don’t Travel Solo
When people tell me that they couldn’t travel alone, they typically give me one of three objections: They don’t know where to start the solo travel process, they don’t know how to plan a trip, and they think that they don’t want to be lonely.
If you’ve been reading my other writing for a while, you’ve probably learned that I don’t spend a lot of time alone despite traveling solo. To combat being alone, I :
- Get a SIM card in my phone so that I’m reachable
- Stay in hostels so I can be social with other guests
- Take group tours or join classes to meet people
You Don’t Have to Learn Before You Go
Solo travel is something that I don’t think I learned to do intentionally. I did it a lot before I realized I’d done it.
I remember telling a friend a couple of years ago that I was planning my first solo travel experience. She looked at me baffled. In fact, she told me I’d been doing it for years. “Sure,” I said, “But I mean like really going somewhere on my own”.
A Couple of Quick Stories
Let me tell you about the times I didn’t realize I’d solo traveled.
- After freshman year of college, I had the opportunity to teach English in France for the summer. I went not knowing anyone, but knew that I’d be with a bunch of like-minded English speakers all summer.
- I went on study abroad to Cyprus as the only person from my university. I didn’t know anyone on the program, but I knew there were 70 other people who would only be in Cyprus for a semester, so we’d probably become friends.
- I went to Israel and Palestine for two weeks knowing that some friends’ families would help me out when I was there. I had people to lean on, so I didn’t see it as going solo.
How to be happy alone:
As in non-traveling life, making friends is weird. However, it’s typically easier when traveling if you play your cards right.
In this video, I outline how to make friends while traveling. The internet is riddled with blogs and tips, but here’s the thing: when you’re traveling, you have more in common with the person next to you than not.
Think about it. The person next to you has likely come from a similar place, and something similar drew them there. They’re also away from home and likely looking for someone to share the joy of traveling with. A simple comment on their travel gear can kick off a day of camaraderie or at least some interesting stories.
I know I’m oversimplifying it. I’m basically saying, “Well, then just don’t be alone!”. It’s not that easy. However, if you go out of your way to meet people, you will. Here are a few ideas:
- Stay in group housing such as hostels. Many have single rooms but common areas full of people looking to meet others, and some even host events for guests to do things together.
- Go on group tours. This can be 7-day tours or activities for a few hours in the afternoon at your destination.
- Hang out in tourist areas. It’s ok to read a book in the park or stay at a restaurant a little longer.
- Use technology. Apps like meetup.com and Couchsurfing have meetups of all kinds all around the globe.
How Alone Do You Want To Be?
This is a real question. I have friends who go off on ‘think weeks’. They lock themselves up somewhere far from society and turn their phones and TV’s off and are intentional about their thoughts and actions.
Other friends go on cruises for singles in hopes of spending lots of time with other people. This is their idea of being alone.
Other friends show up to motorcycle rides alone in hopes of making future biking friends.
Here’s the truth nugget: If you want to meet lots of people but go lock yourself in a cabin in the woods, you’re going to have an awful solo trip. If you want to meet lots of people but stay at a hostel near the woods or a campground with lots of community activities, you might have the best ever solo trip. It’s up to you.
It really comes down to effort and mindset. So, let’s talk about mindset.